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The easiest way to solve this is old and time-tested: a click track. Just use your main sequencing clock and send this to something that can make a little "tick" or "beep" or whatever works in your drummer's headphones, which you'll also need (plus a beefy headphone preamp!). This provides the proper tempo, and if you use some open-ear headphones, the drummer should be able to hear both the click AND the rest of the group. As for the possibility of the headphones falling off, refer to any picture of Keith Moon and how he adapted his set of phones for maximum thrashing around.